i don't care about your band (but secretly do)
i usually don't do this, ya know, read, but i stumbled upon this here little book of funnies + thought you might like it too. i remember when my mom handed me he's just not that into you back in college + i could barely get through it, i was so insulted. it wasn't my mom's fault, she was just trying to help. although i appreciate its place in the universe of ideas, it is the sort of literature that condones fleeting, misleading behavior, which isn't productive in any relationship (platonic, professional, or romantic). i wouldn't give heterosexual males that much credit - i mean, hardly does anybody, regardless of gender/sex/sexuality, know what they want or detect its presence when it slaps them in the face. klausner's "miss piggy in a kermit world" perspective is an accessible access point for straight, modern female frustration. boys should read it too.
this one is full of gems:
"two things about me before we get started. first of all, i will always be a subscriber to the sketch comedy philosophy of how a scene should unfold, which is "what? that sounds crazy! okay, i'll do it." the other thing is, i love men like it is my job."
"and there are so many guys. i remember the first time a friend referred to a guy i liked as a 'man,' and i made a face like i was asking willis what he was talkin' about. a man is hard to find, good or otherwise, but guys are everywhere. that's why girls go nuts for don draper on mad men. if that show was called mad guys, it might star joe pesci, and nobody wants to see that."
"but, i know way more women than girls. there's a whole generation of us who rode on the wings of feminism's entitlement like it was a pegasus with cornrows, knowing how smart we were and how we could be anything. the problem is that we ended up at the mercy of a generation of guys who don't quite seem to know what's expected of them, whether it's earning a double income or texting someone after she blows you. and that sort of sucks when you want a boyfriend. there are no more traditions or standards, and manners are like cleft chins or curly hair - they only run in some families...it seems like everybody is just confused."
"...you have to remember that you'll never be able to compete with his bandmates. remember all of that 'yoko' mythology? how these four beautiful boys - even ringo, if he was lit correctly in 1967 - supposedly lived harmoniously and created silky sounds until one of them dared love a woman who made conceptual art? what a dumb bit of cultural detritus - that yoko broke up the Beatles - and on top of it, what an offensive phrase: 'my band broke up.' you can't marry your band, even in maine. but if you're going to be a musician's girlfriend, you have to know that your man will always love his bandmates in a way you can't even touch, because they are the guys who help him create music. you can only help him create a living human being, with your dumb uterus."
p.s. julie doesn't care about your band, but i'm a style-obsessed sound sprite that does, even if your band sucks + let's be real: it does.
Posted by rhyannonjoy